things perhaps of note

  1. I’m really into this ‘visualising what you want to manifest in yr life’ thing at the moment. it may be entirely useless, but it’s a comfort. so I suppose it isn’t entirely useless, then. hm.
  2. no idea wtf is going to happen with school. have an interview with D-sensei on Thurs, everything has been postponed for now. frankly, I’m terrified, and it’s creeping into my subconscious (lemme tell u bout the nightmare from hell I just had lol), but…what can I do? Apart from study hard and hope for the best.
    …I just want things to get back to normal as soon as possible. I can’t get onto the Dean’s list this semester (because of my subject load…thanks a bunch, KORN1011/2 organisers. Not) so I need to just chill the fwck out and do my best without giving myself an aneurysm already.
    It’s easy when you’re standing outside the schizo to ask yourself, all mystified, “how the hell did I let it get like this?”, but the fact of the matter is that I didn’t let anything get any way, which is really what’s the most terrifying thing of all.
  3. on Saturday I ended up with a fairly nasty chemical burn on the back of my neck. it’s only just started to heal now, and dislikes absolutely everything except aloe vera. (The rawer the better.) I whined at my mother to visit with the aloe gel…completely forgetting I have a pot of actual aloes outside in my ‘garden’ until Mum actually got here. I just. Honestly, Kirryn.

3 card tarot spread

For the Blake tarot.

scholastics
9 of Music – Happiness

“Learning to ‘be here now’. Ability to evoke what you want or need. Emotional fulfillment. Sensual or sexual gratification. Overflowing awareness of life’s bounty. Spontaneous love and happiness. Self-indulgences. Wishes fulfilled. Appetites satisfied. Excellent health but a tendency to overindulgence.”

creativity
5 of Painting – Hardship

“In the creative process: Negative factors beyond your control may be a cause for anxiety; keep on track by staying humble and facing what has to be done.”

all else
XVII – Stars

“Renewal of hope. Feeling connected with your cosmic or universal energies. As above, so below. Opening your eyes to the highest potential of your situation. Getting in touch with your own creative powers. Self-esteem. Far-reaching effects. Receiving recognition for your abilities. ‘Doing your own thing’, no matter what.”

the power of pretending

Lovely ASMRtist: “Your brain does not know the difference between reality and imagination.”

Yrs truly: “Oh honey, tell me about it.” *self-deprecating eyeroll*

Lovely ASMRtist: “So, with that said…that’s good news, right? You can imagine your world differently.”

Yrs truly: “…”

It won’t really solve anything concrete, but it could make it a damn sight easier to cope. Cognitive dissonance? Yeah, probably. But an it harm none, do what ye will. I was always happiest as child when I was playing make-believe. Maybe tiny!Kirr was onto something.

(Tiny!Kirr was also schizo, but let us not quibble.)

More

soothe that savage beast

Waiting for either my painkillers or inspiration to kick in. So in the memetime, a song meme. You heard! See?! See what I did there, twice?!

…someone needs to stop me, and soon. Shounagon-oneesama is looking at me from the afterlife and just shaking her head and sighing.

1. Your current favorite song
Oh gosh. I think…probably…“Tokyo Girl” by Perfume edges it in over a few others? But only just! Nobody, nobody, can tell me that isn’t a Sumeragi Hokuto song. Also “A.D.T.O.Y” by 2pm is getting a LOT of airplay on the internal WinAmp.

2. A song that used to be your favorite, but now you don’t like
…I don’t think I actually have any of these. I get sick of songs, sometimes, but I never seem to actually dislike them. Lately I’ve been disliking songs then growing to like them. (See: all of BLACKPINK’s releases so far, except for “Whistle” — and then only because I find the sound of whistling really fwcking grating. If they released a whistle-free mix, I’d probably love that XD)

3. A song that used to be your favorite that you still like
“Spring Day” by BTS was my previous favourite, and it’s still absolutely stellar.

4. A song that you’re embarrassed to like
Fwck you, all the songs I listen to are flawless. …okay, so fine, “Pick Me” by Produce 101 (Boys) is probably garbage, but I don’t care~

5. A song that reminds you of another period in your life
“Tsuki no Curse”, from Loveless. Love you always, nii-nii.

6. A song that reminds you of a place you’ve been
“The Road”, Weiss. Oh, and “Ougon no Compass”, Kageyama Hironobu. Melbourne and Sydney, respectively.

7. A song from a genre you don’t usually listen to
“Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy”, Big & Rich (blame my neechan XD)

8. A song you loved when you were a little kid
Was I ever a little kid? “A Minute Without You”, Hanson. That’s as close as I can get.

9. A song you loved 5 years ago
2012, April…oh, “No Promises”, Icehouse.

10. A song that reminds you of your childhood
Let’s see…“Night Birds”, Shakatak. It was released well before I was born, but my Dad gave (and continues to give) exactly no shits about what’s current, just as long as it’s enjoyable to listen to. So he played it a lot when I was three/four or thereabouts.

11. A song that reminds you of your best friend
“You’re the Best Partner”, from Iczer Girl Iczelion, “Rinbu~Revolution”, Masami Okui.

12. A song that reminds you of someone you hate dislike
(Don’t waste my time hating them) “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”, Taylor everfucking Swift

13. A song that reminds you of your current partner/crush
“Save You”, Emilie Autumn

14. A song that reminds you of an ex
“February Stars”, Foo Fighters. Like, I literally cannot listen to this song, it makes my gorge rise.

15. A song that makes you want to fall in love
Hm, what if I’m already in love? “Cover Up”, Taeyeon.

16. A song that makes you want to cry
“Always”, RM

17. A song that makes you want to slay your enemies
“Blood Bound”, HammerFall, even if it is the cheesiest load of garbage I’ve ever heard in my life. Let’s pretend I could swing a sword without dropping it on my foot.

18. A song that you work out to
Eh, well, walking is generally working out for me, so I listen to whatever I’m into at the moment. Last time it waaaas…I think Halsey’s “Colors”? That, or Suede’s “Positivity” (which is also a total Hokuto song).

19. A song that you’ve seen performed live
“Australia”, Manics! (You can see my skinny-ass arms in this clip. XD I was riiiiiiiight against the barrier. Best night of my life.)

20. A song that you’ve listened to on repeat recently
Last.Fm says “Synchronicity”, HY + BIGMAMA. If I could scrobble tracks from my phone, I think that would be definite. Such a pick-me-up. I have to finish translating it sometime between now and the second coming…

21. Your top most played song on iTunes Last.Fm
(Not an iTunes user) Of all time? “The Unforgettable Fire”, U2.

22. A song that motivates you to work/helps you focus
Basically anything by God Is an Astronaut. “Infinite Horizons” probably gets the most special mention. Playing the local Asian pop radio station seems to help lately, too, especially when doing homework. (How does that even work?!)

23. A song from the soundtrack of your favorite video game/movie/TV show
“Bara no Rashin ~ Shura – Nikutai Seiza Alpha Psi Zeta Seiun”, Banyuu Inryoku, from Adolescence Mokushiroku

24. A song that you think is really overplayed
I tell you what, man. SBS PopAsia need to cool it on the goddamn “Roleplay” by LuHan. Like, right now? I still like the song. But next week I am going to be sick to death of it if they don’t chill.

25. A song that you listened to ironically, but now you genuinely love
I don’t listen to things ironically; I either like ’em or I don’t.

26. A song that reminds you of your favorite fictional character
“World Spins Madly On”, The Weepies

27. A song that best describes your personality
“No Line on the Horizon”, U2 (at my best) or “Misguided Missile”, Manics (at my worst).

28. A song that represents “your aesthetic”
Possibly…possibly “Juárez”, Tori Amos. Is that too creepy?

29. A song that cheers you up when you’re sad
Ah, let’s see…OH! “Decalcomanie” by MAMAMOO! <3

30. A song from a band that you’ve grown up loving
“Cruel”, Human Nature

31. A song that you want to cover (regardless of how much talent you have)
“Butterfly” or “Ray”, Bump of Chicken.

32. A song that you think has an important message
“Please”, U2

33. A song whose message you don’t like
“I Believe In Father Christmas”, by anyone who performs it. “The Christmas you get you deserve”? Fwck right off with that! >:(

34. Your favorite song that’s a cover of another song
Probably the Manics’ cover of “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”, if only for nostalgia’s sake. Ah, that one night in July…

35. A song that sends chills down your spine
“Faster/Can You Hear Me?”, Evermore. Hell, that entire album (Truth of the World: Welcome to the Show) is a chillfest. A brilliant chillfest.

36. A song that best describes your current emotion
Probably Taeyeon-unnie’s “Why”.

37. A song that helped you through a difficult time in your life
Oh god, this sounds horrible, but “Yes”, Manics.

38. A song that you think is underrated
“Wake Me Up”, B.A.P. Fwck Twice and all the Knock Knock nonsense, why isn’t this song storming up the charts?! It’s excellent!

39. Your favorite instrumental (no lyrics/singing) song
…I do know what instrumental means. XD; Oh wow, how could I possibly choose? There’s so many good ones by so many bands and artists…“See It Like Sutherland”, Manics. It sounds like falling in love feels.

40. A song by a band from your hometown
Do you mean hometown in the 出身 way, the 古里 way, or the 生まれ way? XD 古里? Brisbane — “I Want You”, Savage Garden.

41. A song from the year you were born
“Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)”, Baz Luhrmann

42. Your favorite “old” song (pre-90s)
Frickin’ hell. I have quite a few of them. Of all time? …probably “Where the Streets Have No Name”, U2.

43. A song that makes you laugh
“Ding Dong It’s Me (The Weird Man)”, ‘the Big Bopper’ XD

44. A song from your favorite musical
Oh hell…I think…“Midnight Radio”, Hedwig & the Angry InchKnow that you’re whole…

45. Your favorite Disney song
“Let It Go”, from Frozen

46. A song that you wish more people knew about
“Need Your Love”, the Temper Trap. That song should have stormed the charts. *sigh*

47. A song that you love to dance to
“Dance in the Dark”, Lady Gaga

48. A song that you can’t help but sing along
“Starman”, David Bowie. Can’t stop myself for love or money. Miss you, Unseelie Alien Prince. So very much.

49. A song whose lyrics you have memorized
Basically almost every Manics and U2 song in existence? But okay, let’s be a little more varied: “Iowa”, Dar Williams.

50. Free slot! Any song you want to share!
Hrm~ “You’re The Best”, Mamamoo. Because I live for Hwasa’s thick thighs. And it’s a really good song. (But, y’know. Mamamoo. That’s a given.)

the girl who won’t wait

Every time I smell rain, two things go through my mind:

  1. there is no better smell in the world, at all. The day they make a perfume with petrichor notes (I mean, a real one ^~), I will have found my lifelong fragrance;
  2. I still can’t believe my Dad can’t smell rain, that is biologically unfair on a level I usually reserve for my mother’s spine and my brain.

but still I raise the flag.

“From underneath the rubble, sing a rebel song.”

BTS. just…just BTS.

I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re not a proper A.R.M.Y. unless you’ve stopped for a moment, burst into hysterical giggles, and asked yourself, “what the fuck is wrong with these guys? Why do I stan them?!”

And of course you have no answer.

I…don’t think there is an answer, to be totally honest.

now, a note to myself: CALM THE HELL DOWN.

I will hereby not stress about this oral presentation sounding stupid.

There is only so much you can do when working with very limited vocabulary (pretty sure I get penalised if I use stuff we haven’t been taught yet). It is going to be slightly silly no matter what I do.

All I have to do is make sure it covers precisely what is indicated on the criteria sheet, and that my pronunciation is flawless (and…not hampered by that oh-so-incorrect Osaka drawl. せっしょうやな…).

It will be easy to write, and easier to memorise.

I will not be anxious about it.

I got 97% on my last oral, from a teacher who was notoriously picky with her grading, and I bloody well passed out during that one. 

I. Will. Be. Just. Fine.

Breathe, Kirryn.

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heart attack at 3 yrs old

黒ひげ危機一発/Pop-Up Pirate is responsible for 90% of my childhood trauma, I swear to frog.

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